loud voices

It is Eric Hoffer that once said that it is loneliness that makes the loudest noise...

The noise I hear is my 7 meter long passage way that echos back in darkness, “Hunny, I am home” As if I just entered the deepest cave, somewhere down the Abyss, which in actual fact is my home.

This is my voice of loneliness.

I think it takes bravery to be alone. It forces one to visit ones self, and to knock on those doors, and find some inner truths and reflect.

Some of us would rather be in bad company than be alone. Are we that afraid of our skeletons? Why not embrace this feeling of solitude instead? I have...

One does not have to be physically lonely in order to be alone. Some of us feel lonely among others. I did, through parts of my marriage. Some relationships are like two passing ships at night. You are aware of one another, but in the dark, you just sail silently past one another. Some ships let off their horns, or flash their headlights, but never do they stand still and communicate the condition of the ocean they are drifting on.

If one has to google loneliness a whole lof of medical health related issues pop up.

Loneliness Increases Alzheimer risks, loneliness links to high blood pressure, loneliness is the cause of ADHD, loneliness biggest reason for suicide? Apparently they have shown that loneliness can be just as detrimental as smoking.

It all seems a bit contradictory to me. I see so many more headlines of partners killing each other than people jumping off bridges because they were lonely. In fact, I think people initially jump off bridges cause they were in a relationship.

Advancement of Science, is the first to use fMRI scans to study the connections between perceived social isolation (or loneliness) and activity in the brain. The ventral striatum, which is critical to learning, is a key portion of the brain and is activated through primary rewards such as food and secondary rewards such as money. Social rewards and feelings of love also may activate the region. “Although loneliness may be influence brain activity, the research also suggests that activity in the ventral striatum may prompt feelings of loneliness.The study raises the intriguing possibility that loneliness may result from reduced reward-related activity in the ventral striatum in response to social rewards." www..sciencedaily...

Animals who live alone are :

Orangutangs, except for mother and child. Males and females come together only for one day to mate.

Almost all spiders

Eagles

Tigers

Jaguars

Leopards

Polar bears

Whales

and some rhinos.

These are all great animals. Question is, are most of these not going extinct? 

Leonardo da Vinci said, If you are alone you belong entirely to yourself....If you are accompanied by even one companion you belong only half to yourself, or even less, in proportion to the thoughtlessness of his conduct; and if you have more than one companion you will fall more deeply into the same plight

Perhaps its a question of control. Did circumstances lead up to your loneliness or is it a choice that you have made? Of course, as humans we have a need to have control over what life throws our way. 

In that case, I am choosing to be an Eagle for a while. I am spreading my wings, high above the sky, over looking what lies ahead, and when I feel like it, I shall descend to land and mingle among the the other animals in the forest.

The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. - Thomas wolfe

oedipus

Oedipus complex : is a group of largely unconscious (dynamically repressed) ideas and feelings which concentrate on the desire to possess the parent of the opposite sex and eliminate the parent of the same sex. The name was taken from Greek mythical legend of King Oedipus who unknowingly killed his father and married his mother.

“The boy thus returns to the mother as a separate individual. That separation may be emphasized with scorn and a sense of mastery over women. that can also be seen in the long separation of boys and girls in play and social relationships. This is a source of male denigration of women.”

In the 21^st century we refer to these males as mama's boys.

How to identify these men through behavior :

1- Often these men are afraid to stand up to their mothers. These mothers are typically mothers who interferes with their sons affairs. The son usually finds much enjoyment through this.

2- These men, wont want to move away from their mothers. Perhaps even insist on living with her..even if your married to him already.

He is 27 years old, and still lives with his mom.

3- He can not make any decisions sans his mother. She buys him clothes. He calls her if he requires any advice, regarding anything...even sexual advice...sigh, no wonder!

4- He needs to call her everyday, obviously more than 5 times..

5- He looks at his mother for answers when it comes to making choses regarding your child. Not you, his wife.

6- He usually doesn’t have a spine.

7- He runs home, every time you have a fight.

8- He will want his mother to walk down the isle, on your wedding day with you – his future wife.

Unfortunately I have been a victim of such a mama's boy. I can only say that it has partly destroyed my marriage as well as my views regarding most men. They usually are completely oblivious and in denial of this as well, which ads to the problem tremendously.

I have however become rather paranoid and suspicious when meeting new men. I have a very specific list now.

Note to self, Watch out for :

1- Mother -in -law walks into the bathroom while your having a bath with your husband and sits down to chat.

2- She makes you feel bad for not giving her keys and free access to your home.

3- She informs you of all the other woman her son could have been with and that the one did win a nobel peace price.

4- She insists on buying and choosing your husbands clothes.

5- She always has to host sunday lunch, your husbands birthday and every other event, as your “just not good enough”

6- She insist you have a natural birth, sans any pain killers, otherwise your a weak woman, with no real pain threshold.

I should have known that 12 phone calls a day as well as the constant insisting of having to live with his mother after our wedding, being pregnant at that, were all major clues. Then again, I wasn’t playing Sherlock Holmes at the time.

As the saying goes – Q: Why would you rather deal with a vicious dog than your mother-in-law?

A: A vicious dog eventually lets go!

The Bible, Qu-ran and the Tanakh, all talk sense when it comes to separating from your parents when you become one with your partner.

I quote : Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I don’t recall seeing my mother in law standing in the front of the priest, saying “I do”

She has had her turn, and should have let me have mine.

Life’s journeys allows us to all have a turn at fulfilling our roles. Trying to constantly have take control over somebody else’s roles, will only destroy everyone. Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.

I have no control over this, but I do know that if God had the power to shut the lions mouth, caged in with Daniel, I am sure He can also perhaps do the same regarding my mother-in-laws mouth. 

processing...

Vow : An earnest promise to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner. One by which a person is bound to act.

The planning leading up to ones wedding day involves tremendous excitement, stress, anxiety and exceptional stomach cramps combined with nausea. For some people this planing takes years, months or perhaps one drunk night in a bar, in some delusional state, convinced that “this is the one”

In my case, it was more a case of being young, ignorant, pregnant and in love. Nevertheless. My planning did consist of all the above emotions, and many more, as I was pregnant, due to hormones, which meant we were left with fewer cupcakes on our wedding day...

Thinking back, it all happened so quickly. I compare it to a flash of lightning. You only really see and feel the after shock, but the light disappears almost instantly. Its called an atmospheric discharge of electricity, accompanied by thunder. Apparently there is still some debate as to how exactly lightning is initially formed.  The "irrational" fear of lightning is called astraphobia.  

In my views, thats what marriage is like...wind, humidity, friction and atmospheric pressure

No one tells you the obvious. The obvious being – Its not about the wedding, its about the marriage there after. People put so much effort into this day, even though there is a whole life time together there after. This life time together gets taken for granted. Who can actually really be prepared for this?

Especially the drunk couple at the bar who had a good one night stand...or not so good..

Are we really this pressured by society to rush into a life long commitment this fast? Are we scared that we might not find someone again? Are we settling for the next best thing? Do we actually believe in soul mates? Are our biological clocks ticking to fast? Do we have to much pressure from society or family?

Especially woman. We tend to settle more so often for useless men. We are so happy with breadcrumbs. Moldy ones. I often hear my friends saying, “Aah, Larry is actually such a good guy, he is spending the evening with me” Meanwhile he has been absent for a good two weeks to a month. Why are we satisfied with so little? Do we have such little self respect? I see woman all the time, and I am guilty of this as well, trying to just be so “perfect” for their significant other, while the significant other does absolutely nil, nix, nada.

I have been separated for 7 months now, and I am currently in the process of a divorce. A very long, drawn out divorce if I might ad. Lawyers line up, like hungry wolves outside my door.

In retrospect I should have studied law.

No one can really gear you up for what lies ahead. Your divorce will probably cost you more than your wedding.

Dress : R20 000, One hour in high court : R30 000.

Ring : R20 000, Advocate in order to appear in high court : R90 000.

What makes it worse is that my ex husband is a doctor, so of course, more so than other males, he knows it all. (I am laughing in my head while writing this) He knows absolutely everything. They are the healers of the world, in other words; hero's. People look up to them. Children look up at them. Mothers look up at them to safe their childs life. They are the epitome of God's gift to the world. Or not...

While they are out there saving lives, their own families are home, in dire need of some saving themselves. - I mean how needy.

But, what needs more care,

a) A baby on life support

b) A mother, with two kids, under the age of 4, alone at home?

Obviously the right answer would be - a) A baby on life support! Obviously. Right?

So, here we are, in one of lives little predicaments once again. So, what will it be, Rock, paper or scissors?

its over

As I have closed my virtual friends networking, I am now stuck with many thoughts, which I am unable to update as my status.

So dear diary. I shall now fill you with my mind and whatever it contains.

I have come to realize, that divorce is not a game. Its serious. If you want to play games, play Monopoly with your kids. If you dont have kids, do a crossword puzzle.

But never, I repeat never, treat divorce as a game.

Unfortunately our skin is not as thick as it appears to be when lying on a surgeons table, having to cut through three layers of skin. The skin functions as a protective barrier, that interfaces with a sometimes-hostile environment. However, our skin reveals some of our conditions as well, as it is the largest organ in our body. Whenever something is abnormal inside our bodies, it reveals itself through the skin.

It also baffles me, and always have, as to why people slit their wrist when trying to commit suicide. The skin around ones palms and soles are the thickest at 1.5mm. Is this due to unsurity of really takings ones life, or the human need to feel torture?

Nevertheless, circumstances cant be obstructed by our skin. As thick as it may seem, it goes straight through with a sharp pointing arrow aiming straight for our hearts.

It enters the aorta, the largest single blood vessel in the body. This vessel carries oxygen rich blood to various parts of the body. Unfortunately with this arrow, this weapon of mass destruction, it obstructs the oxygen delivery to your body, and with no preparation at all, those words “its over” shuts down your brain and your bodily functions are with immediate effect out of order.

The control one has over this is minimal as it catches you of guard. Look what happened to Pearl Harbour. The consequences were vast. It meant a lot of things. Most of all, it caused retaliation, which concluded in Hiroshima. This human functioning of retaliation has been in practice for decades. I think the only man that walked this earth who didnt have this natural, human mentality was Jesus.

I quote ; You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Personally I prefer eye for an eye. I prefer not to give someone my cloak if one sues me. I am only human, gosh, sue me for being honest.

I can only say this, as I have been through seven months of court battles, very similar to the second world war and to spice things up, bits of holocaust torturing in between.

I never knew my ex husband had similar personality straits to Hitler until I Googled Narcissism.

In simple words; Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who had never seen his reflection. The nymph Echo had been punished by Hera for gossiping by being cursed to forever "have the last word". Echo had seen Narcissus walking through the forest and wanted to talk to him, but because of the curse she wasn't able to speak first. When Narcissus became thirsty and stopped to take a drink, he saw his reflection in the water for the first time. Not knowing any better, he fell in love and started talking to it. Echo had been following him and started repeating the last thing he said. Not yet understanding reflections, Narcissus thought his reflection was speaking to him and became more engaged. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away at the pool and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus..

Now, read the story again, and instead of reading the word Narcissus, use the name James instead. 

goodbye virtual friends

What is this huge need for virtual friends? How come its so important to have 400 friends - and counting on Facebook.

Today I got asked by the Facebook registration page, why I am leaving Facebook. Why should I have to explain to a virtual friendship website why I choose not to be friends anymore?

Facebook in my opinion is for lazy people who consider their lives far more important than making the effort to visit a friend who is sick instead of writing on their walls that your “thinking of them” Or instead of sending an sms, or even an email, we have become so dysfunctional that we take literally two seconds out of our day to write “Happy birthday”

I honestly don’t feel special when I receive 30 message on my wall from random strangers wishing me a “Happy Birthday” How easy is that?

I think we have become so caught up in ourselves and we prance around on this centre stage, updating our status, filled with emotion, every 5 minutes - for everyone to see. Why is it that we get such satisfaction to let everyone know that we “are wearing blue socks today” Or our pathetic epiphanies we have had on relationships and friendships and family. We consume our minds with garbage from magazines and headlines, that we don’t even notice we are mini little wannabe celebrities ourselves. Drama queens. Except, we are our own paparazzi, as we exploit ourselves. How sad is that.

We cant even switch off our phones for and hour, during a movie, never mind a whole day. Why do we think the world needs us this much? We use to live in a world where we didnt have cellphones and people couldnt get hold of us. Imagine that? Imagine actually being on time for a change instead of smsing, your appointment “your running late”.

We are caught up in this fast pace world. God forbid you dont check your email for one day, you might actually lack behind in the race. What race? The race this world has created. The race that we are being forced to win at, otherwise we are considered useless, losers, a no body. We are what we perceive ourselves as, through others eyes.