Gaia

If your a father figure in South Africa, count your blessings, because unless you have a criminal record for man slaughter and gang banging, you have plenty of rights towards your child. 

My husband left, without saying where he was going, presumably, the shops, only to hear that he is on a two week ski trip in the Swiss Alps, and he is not returning to our home, when returning to South Africa. 

Obviously overwhelming desperate thoughts of panic would enter any normal woman's mind...I think I ate a loaf of bread with fish paste and jam, then drank a shot of tequila with milk and had a box of cigarettes all in the time span of 60 seconds..

Denial is someone who will then within immediate effect enter your life and be your best friend for at least a couple of months. Denial is also related to, I think they are cousins, or small cousins, Bargaining, Loneliness and Anger.

Nevertheless, my husband never made contact during this time, and never tried to find out about the well being of his child. I can understand this... I mean obviously skiing down the slopes, with a Heidi Klum wannabe look a like, is far more rewarding than a druling one year old saying gaggaagaa on the other end of the line. 

In this time of his absence, I tried my absolute best to remain calm and to not indulge by drinking with my new found friends, Denial and his relatives. I didnt actually have a choice, as I had to remain in control for the sake of my little ones.

In fact, mothers never have a choice. We always have to wear this armour of stability. It comes with the title. 

Thus, having had to remain calm and reasoning with my every thought of Vodka funneling, nothing could prepare me for what lied ahead in the next couple of months on his return. 

Obviously returning with big smiles, having had the luxury of an amazing ski holiday, his worries was more aimed towards things like, “Mmmm, I wonder whether there is big swell today, as I would love to go surfing” At least, this was his concern for the first hour, after he landed. There after things became, more terrifying than a township tour.

Firstly, I received a letter from his lawyer, stating his (understatement) pathetic reasons for a divorce, as well his reasoning behind custody of our son. He basically tore out every single page from my diary, and published it in order to gain custody. What divorce really does is, takes every single bad quality, you usually despised about your partner, and then magnifies it beyond compare. He would dig out old cows that barely had its bones left, just to prove his point. If it meant that he had to strip me down naked, till only my soul is left, then taking my soul and spitting on it, well, he did it.

Thankfully I had a sober judge that rebuked his nonsense, and after he abducted my son for a week, had to return him with immediate effect.

This then lead us to a long enduring mediation process where basically the law makes decisions for you, as the two people who were best friends for three years, are now the most incompatible people alive. 

Something in the line of a 27 and a 28 gang member in the same alley, 3 am, Mitchells Plain... 

It was during this time, I realized that, unless a father has a criminal record of shooting down his entire family with a shotgun and chainsaw, he has every right, to his child. Regardless if he has a 24/7 work day! This then led to a parent plan, where the mediator laid out a month to month schedule, which gave the father of my child equal rights to me. 

It doesnt matter whether your uterus and fallopian tube did all the work of growing the seed inside you as well as feeding it.

It doesnt matter whether you had to carry this seed who grows into the size of a large moon, for 40 weeks. 

It doesnt matter that you had to squeeze a moon out of an ant hole. 

It doesnt matter that you lost your perky breast, now have stretch marks – even on your eyelids – and have to be the one that wakes up all night in order to let the little beautiful oyster suck onto your breast like there is no tomorrow. 

None of these factors matters, because according to some law, some child act, that some psychologist like Freud decided, fathers can now have 50% say. Like some discount special.

I find it so peculiar that scientist have the right to use our children as their guinea pigs. Little innocent test babies. Every few years a new law gets generated and the custody laws change according to some psychologist with 5 grey hairs left and indents on his face to prove his rooted wisdom or something...or not. 

I honestly understand the importance of fathers, as I have an incredible relationship with my father. I believe that children needs both their parents, and by no means am I trying to negate the importance of either roles. I am merely confused as to how my 20 month old son, who cant even speak yet, can be separated from myself, for a period of 2-3 days at a time. 

According to research, Mothers are more likely than fathers to encourage assimilative and communion-enhancing patterns in their children. Mothers are more likely than fathers to acknowledge their children's contributions in conversation. The way mothers speak to their children is better suited to support very young children in their efforts to understand speech (in context of the reference English) than fathers.

No where in history has any father claimed a title such as – Bachue, Bithiah, Demeter, Yashoda, Dewi Sri, Eve, Gaia, Isis, Jocasta, Juno, Mary, Sita, Venus or Mother Theresa.

Some of the most amazing historical figures from decades ago, where bought up, predominantly by their mothers. Jesus, Ghandi, Einstein and many more, are profound men who walked this earth, with their mothers as primary figures in their lives. More recent research has found that maternal separation can profoundly affect the brain’s biochemistry, with lifelong consequences for growth and mental ability. Indeed, as one expert put it, the attachment relationship that a young child forges with his mother “forms the foundation stone of personality.” 

I suppose we live in an era where motherhood gets severely underestimated, where fathers try and over ride the importance of mothers. Where mothers are frowned upon if they dedicate their lives to their children and dont have a career. 

Are woman merely being seen as some surrogate, only function being, carrying the child...

Fact of the matter is, in the end of the day, God could not be everywhere and therefor he made mothers.