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Vow : An earnest promise to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner. One by which a person is bound to act.

The planning leading up to ones wedding day involves tremendous excitement, stress, anxiety and exceptional stomach cramps combined with nausea. For some people this planing takes years, months or perhaps one drunk night in a bar, in some delusional state, convinced that “this is the one”

In my case, it was more a case of being young, ignorant, pregnant and in love. Nevertheless. My planning did consist of all the above emotions, and many more, as I was pregnant, due to hormones, which meant we were left with fewer cupcakes on our wedding day...

Thinking back, it all happened so quickly. I compare it to a flash of lightning. You only really see and feel the after shock, but the light disappears almost instantly. Its called an atmospheric discharge of electricity, accompanied by thunder. Apparently there is still some debate as to how exactly lightning is initially formed.  The "irrational" fear of lightning is called astraphobia.  

In my views, thats what marriage is like...wind, humidity, friction and atmospheric pressure

No one tells you the obvious. The obvious being – Its not about the wedding, its about the marriage there after. People put so much effort into this day, even though there is a whole life time together there after. This life time together gets taken for granted. Who can actually really be prepared for this?

Especially the drunk couple at the bar who had a good one night stand...or not so good..

Are we really this pressured by society to rush into a life long commitment this fast? Are we scared that we might not find someone again? Are we settling for the next best thing? Do we actually believe in soul mates? Are our biological clocks ticking to fast? Do we have to much pressure from society or family?

Especially woman. We tend to settle more so often for useless men. We are so happy with breadcrumbs. Moldy ones. I often hear my friends saying, “Aah, Larry is actually such a good guy, he is spending the evening with me” Meanwhile he has been absent for a good two weeks to a month. Why are we satisfied with so little? Do we have such little self respect? I see woman all the time, and I am guilty of this as well, trying to just be so “perfect” for their significant other, while the significant other does absolutely nil, nix, nada.

I have been separated for 7 months now, and I am currently in the process of a divorce. A very long, drawn out divorce if I might ad. Lawyers line up, like hungry wolves outside my door.

In retrospect I should have studied law.

No one can really gear you up for what lies ahead. Your divorce will probably cost you more than your wedding.

Dress : R20 000, One hour in high court : R30 000.

Ring : R20 000, Advocate in order to appear in high court : R90 000.

What makes it worse is that my ex husband is a doctor, so of course, more so than other males, he knows it all. (I am laughing in my head while writing this) He knows absolutely everything. They are the healers of the world, in other words; hero's. People look up to them. Children look up at them. Mothers look up at them to safe their childs life. They are the epitome of God's gift to the world. Or not...

While they are out there saving lives, their own families are home, in dire need of some saving themselves. - I mean how needy.

But, what needs more care,

a) A baby on life support

b) A mother, with two kids, under the age of 4, alone at home?

Obviously the right answer would be - a) A baby on life support! Obviously. Right?

So, here we are, in one of lives little predicaments once again. So, what will it be, Rock, paper or scissors?

its over

As I have closed my virtual friends networking, I am now stuck with many thoughts, which I am unable to update as my status.

So dear diary. I shall now fill you with my mind and whatever it contains.

I have come to realize, that divorce is not a game. Its serious. If you want to play games, play Monopoly with your kids. If you dont have kids, do a crossword puzzle.

But never, I repeat never, treat divorce as a game.

Unfortunately our skin is not as thick as it appears to be when lying on a surgeons table, having to cut through three layers of skin. The skin functions as a protective barrier, that interfaces with a sometimes-hostile environment. However, our skin reveals some of our conditions as well, as it is the largest organ in our body. Whenever something is abnormal inside our bodies, it reveals itself through the skin.

It also baffles me, and always have, as to why people slit their wrist when trying to commit suicide. The skin around ones palms and soles are the thickest at 1.5mm. Is this due to unsurity of really takings ones life, or the human need to feel torture?

Nevertheless, circumstances cant be obstructed by our skin. As thick as it may seem, it goes straight through with a sharp pointing arrow aiming straight for our hearts.

It enters the aorta, the largest single blood vessel in the body. This vessel carries oxygen rich blood to various parts of the body. Unfortunately with this arrow, this weapon of mass destruction, it obstructs the oxygen delivery to your body, and with no preparation at all, those words “its over” shuts down your brain and your bodily functions are with immediate effect out of order.

The control one has over this is minimal as it catches you of guard. Look what happened to Pearl Harbour. The consequences were vast. It meant a lot of things. Most of all, it caused retaliation, which concluded in Hiroshima. This human functioning of retaliation has been in practice for decades. I think the only man that walked this earth who didnt have this natural, human mentality was Jesus.

I quote ; You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Personally I prefer eye for an eye. I prefer not to give someone my cloak if one sues me. I am only human, gosh, sue me for being honest.

I can only say this, as I have been through seven months of court battles, very similar to the second world war and to spice things up, bits of holocaust torturing in between.

I never knew my ex husband had similar personality straits to Hitler until I Googled Narcissism.

In simple words; Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who had never seen his reflection. The nymph Echo had been punished by Hera for gossiping by being cursed to forever "have the last word". Echo had seen Narcissus walking through the forest and wanted to talk to him, but because of the curse she wasn't able to speak first. When Narcissus became thirsty and stopped to take a drink, he saw his reflection in the water for the first time. Not knowing any better, he fell in love and started talking to it. Echo had been following him and started repeating the last thing he said. Not yet understanding reflections, Narcissus thought his reflection was speaking to him and became more engaged. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away at the pool and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus..

Now, read the story again, and instead of reading the word Narcissus, use the name James instead. 

goodbye virtual friends

What is this huge need for virtual friends? How come its so important to have 400 friends - and counting on Facebook.

Today I got asked by the Facebook registration page, why I am leaving Facebook. Why should I have to explain to a virtual friendship website why I choose not to be friends anymore?

Facebook in my opinion is for lazy people who consider their lives far more important than making the effort to visit a friend who is sick instead of writing on their walls that your “thinking of them” Or instead of sending an sms, or even an email, we have become so dysfunctional that we take literally two seconds out of our day to write “Happy birthday”

I honestly don’t feel special when I receive 30 message on my wall from random strangers wishing me a “Happy Birthday” How easy is that?

I think we have become so caught up in ourselves and we prance around on this centre stage, updating our status, filled with emotion, every 5 minutes - for everyone to see. Why is it that we get such satisfaction to let everyone know that we “are wearing blue socks today” Or our pathetic epiphanies we have had on relationships and friendships and family. We consume our minds with garbage from magazines and headlines, that we don’t even notice we are mini little wannabe celebrities ourselves. Drama queens. Except, we are our own paparazzi, as we exploit ourselves. How sad is that.

We cant even switch off our phones for and hour, during a movie, never mind a whole day. Why do we think the world needs us this much? We use to live in a world where we didnt have cellphones and people couldnt get hold of us. Imagine that? Imagine actually being on time for a change instead of smsing, your appointment “your running late”.

We are caught up in this fast pace world. God forbid you dont check your email for one day, you might actually lack behind in the race. What race? The race this world has created. The race that we are being forced to win at, otherwise we are considered useless, losers, a no body. We are what we perceive ourselves as, through others eyes.